Is My Therapist Sex Positive?

May 11

Whether you are in therapy or looking for a therapist—if you are interested in having a sex positive therapist, here are some things to consider…

Is this Therapist Sex Positive? Checklist:

-Can openly talk about sex

-Do I feel comfortable talking openly about sex with them?

-Is non-judgmental.

-Does not shame any consensual sex acts or express moral judgements.

-They are open to learning more about sex topics.

-They consider sex and sexuality to be a healthy part of the human experience.

-They express respect and curiosity about your sexuality and sexual practices.

-They understand the diversity of sexual experiences.

-They have knowledge and is affirming of LGBTQIA+ communities, kink communities and polyamorous/ENM/CNM communities.

-They have knowledge of the intersectionality of gender, race, sexual orientation and culture.

-They support social justice movements that advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights, sexual freedom and reproduction rights and women’s rights.

-Understands systemic oppression and how that effects people’s sexual freedom and sexual expression (some examples: patriarchy, capitalism and racism).

-Does not perpetuates purity culture beliefs like accusing people of having a ‘sex addiction’ or ‘porn addiction' because they are uncomfortable with people practicing frequent consensual sex acts.

-Has knowledge of STI’s, safe sex practices and other basic sex education topics.

-Has education around consent—what consent is or isn’t. Understands boundaries.

-Does not victim blame survivors of sexual trauma.

-Supporting a scientific understanding of sex—not perpetuating cultural myths around sex.

-Understands the importance of self determination and bodily autonomy.

-Expresses commitment to doing their own personal work around implicit biases and unconsciously held beliefs about sex that could come up (It comes up for all of us).

Bonus: This may not apply to you but ask how they feel about sex workers—this could be a good way to assess for potential judgmental-ness. If they say they don’t support sex workers you can ask—why? Are they a Sex Worker Exclusionary Feminist? Do they not actually believe in bodily autonomy? Do they have judgments about consensual sex acts? They may just not be educated on the subject and believe that all sex workers are human trafficked (this is true in some cases but definitely not true all the time). Do they show curiosity and openness about learning more about it? If you are a sex worker or have been one or loves/cares for someone that is—this is a really important question to ask your therapist.

Please do not work with a therapist that is not supportive of you—this includes the sexual part of yourself—which is a super important part of you.

If I left out anything (and I am sure I have)—let me know—I really want to know what other people think is important when considering if there therapist is sex positive or not!

*Sexual positivity does not extend to illegal and non-consensual sex acts like sexual assault, pedophilic acts, stalking, flashing or anything else that violates consent.

To learn more about therapy or sex therapy feel free to reach out.